Is there such a thing as too nice? Perhaps... Perhaps I should be less nice. Less accommodating. More... Standoffish. Perhaps girls really do like jerks. And I thought I was a jerk. But it seems that I'm quite the opposite. So much so, that people take advantage of me. I am more like... This cuddly little teddy bear that people use when they need me and then they put it aside... Like I'm just to be used and then put away in cold storage until the next time I'm needed. Do I need to... Be less nice? I have few redeemable qualities, and my unconditional kindness is one of the best things I have going for me. But... Perhaps I take it too far.
Now, to be fair... The few people I truly associate with very rarely ever do this to me. But, it's a pattern that I have found. One that I can't seem to shake. It... It kinda hurts. Because I only have the best interests of other people at heart. In the end, other people deserve happiness. Not always myself. But, I get happiness from making other people happy. I'm dependent on that, sadly. But it happens often. I do so much to keep other people happy. It's my goal in life. I should never be the reason someone is unhappy, and if I am not, my job is to keep them or make them that way.
But... I feel like I'm just kind of used sometimes. Not that I mind most times. But when I'm broken down and I need someone to perform that same function, I get people who have sympathy. Lots of sympathy. But, it's not the same... I often get people who just... Well, instead of asking me how I feel, and really listening, I get people who tell me what to do. And, as much as I appreciate it, it's like... "You don't really understand, do you? I really just want a hug and someone to tell me they love me and that they are sorry." Is that so wrong?
Again, certain people in my life don't do that. They understand. They know how I work, what I want. Even if they don't think they do. And that's good. For the most part.
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