Funny Little Thing Called Love...

This isn't as much of a continuation of the last post as it is... well... something else. Love does strange things to you. Example: I look forward to school days!! No joke. I always get to thinking about going to school for even one day. I love Mondays now. But, what in the world does this have to do with love, you ask? I'll tell you. There is a girl. (Yes. Well why are you so surprised?! :P Girls do pay attention to me. Occasionally.) This girl, who shall remain unnamed, is the reason that I love Mondays, and weekdays in general. I look forward to our conversations starting every Monday. She is a genuine pleasure to be with. She is funny, she is pretty, and she is loud. (Which is the exact opposite of me, and she will attest to that.) On top of that, she is just the right amount of sassy, pushy and sarcastic. She can give as good as she gets, and I am no slouch at sarcasm myself. I could sing her praises all the time, and especially through this post, but I won't. (Not that she will get a big head. Like me, she rejects most extreme praise, like what I would have to say about her.) Anywho, the reason I brought this as an example, is because of what happens to me when I look forward to this. My heart, it starts to beat out of my chest. I get that anxiety, like you would get when on Christmas Eve, or in the anticipation of any momentous occasion. I start to feel mildly shaky. A feeling swells up in my chest. A feeling that I few times have ever felt. I start to get thoughts of only her. Nothing else seems to matter. It is the most ridiculous thing, and yet I love it every time, and cannot wait for it to happen yet again. She pays attention to this blog, so I am debating how careful I should be... :) I feel, in the words of Quasimodo, "I suddenly feel wonderfully awful and then awfully wonderful!". I tell you folks, love is the paradox of life. The only thing we cannot live without, and yet the one thing that can destroy a person completely if misused. This girl... Ah... If only I could explain EXACTLY how she makes me feel... I am a completely awkward person at times. This girl is basically my complete opposite in most actions. Where I am quiet, she is loud, and she likes it. (I like it too.) Where I am very formal, she types exactly how she talks. (Even with the occasional spelling error, I think it is cute.) And she talks like my sister. Sure, like everyone else, she has her problems. But, I am more than happy to help her out. And she doesn't mind helping me out either. She is a joy. Complete and utter joy. I have been the mediator between her and others, and I have been the person she vents on. I have been the person that has stood in between her and... trouble of many kinds. And even though even I sometime get frustrated, it isn't because of her. It is because I am not able to do anything to help her. Not even to solve her problems, not even to take a load off. Everyone reading this, if you have ever experienced that feeling... The feeling where you do EVERYTHING that you can, but nothing comes of it. They still have to put up with the problems they have. And, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Nothing but stand there and watch them struggle. I can't even physically be there to be support. (Stupid distance... When they develop quantum teleportation, I know my first destination... Even if it IS only one-way.) That is the other side of love that I know so well. The side that, if you love them, you have to let them be. I just feel... Useless. Dejected. Nothing I can do will help, and sometimes getting involved doesn't help anything, it actually hurts. This is a feeling I HATE. With a passion. I cannot stand being not able to do something to help. It grates on my very soul. Grinds my nerves and my patience to the very center. All I want to do for her is to just, wash away all the pain, the sorrow, the problems. Make her life as easy as possible. Paradise, even. As close as she can get to being truly happy, I want to do that for her. Just... make it so she never has to be sad again... Especially if I am the cause. She is always praising me. She thinks I am nearly perfect, and she asks me all the time, "Why are you so perfect to me?" Why indeed... The only real answer is that she deserves someone who can do that for her. I just want to show her that she is worth the praise I give her. She is worthy of the best guy in the world. She deserves everything she could ever want, as long as it makes her truly happy. I, unfortunately, I am not any of this. I am more of a stepping stone. I am the guy who has shown her how she should be treated. I don't DO anything, I promise. I don't read books, or take seminars, or do anything to improve my image with people. I just... sometimes I don't understand why it is so surprising to her... the bottom line to her question. She deserves more than she has gotten from the other guys. I might not be the best guy, but I do make it a priority to give women the respect they deserve. I don't do anything special, and I have told her that. I think that what she has gotten in the past from guys has not even been close to doing her justice. When she asks me why I treat her like I do, I just want to hold her close, and tell her that I love her. Pure and simple. Nothing different, or exciting. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just that action and the three simple words that follow. When we get on this subject, I cannot ever clearly express how I feel. It is "good", but it is never EXACTLY the way I want it. This attempt is even closer, but still not perfect. Like I said in my last post, love is undefinable. But, I wish in all the world, that my attempts will not go off the path of sincere and end up on the unbelievable path. I don't ever tell her enough. I don't ever say it. but I feel it. And I show it as much as I can through my limited means of communication.

Watch out for avalanches, folks, and tell your loved ones you love them!!
ZW

Why Must I Be a Teenager in Love?

You know, sometimes I want to just shout it from the rooftops. Why does love have to be so... strange? It is really... complicated. It isn't like a math equation or a Physics problem. It is more like... poetry. And poetry is HARD. So many interpretations. Sooooooo much stuff to read through and attempt to interpret. I can honestly tell you that having been in love, not even POETRY can truly express what lies in the heart of a person in love. If this is what love feels like, then sign me up. I don't know why, but I feel happy all the time. It is like I am on a high that I am not actually able to get off of. Not that I mind, of course, I haven't felt like this in a long time. The problem with that, is I am not actually able to express it. That and a love right now, is not advisable. I don't quite find myself ready for a relationship. But, that doesn't stop anyone else. That is totally ok. It just makes me even more ready for what comes ahead. Anywho, love is so undefinable. I cannot tell you. Love is a feeling because it cannot be expressed by words. Whoever came up with the word, was obviously attempting to convey it's meaning. He/she failed miserably. That and through the ages, the word love has always undergone some meaning changes. It is unfalliable. The word love is truly inadequate to express the human feeling for the one they feel for. If I were to attempt to do so, I would fail miserably. I can attempt if you would like. Love: The feeling of extreme like for another person. Love is like the candles on my cake. Love is like the wind in my sails. Love is the most potent feeling a person could ever have, because it literally overcomes all. There is nothing love cannot overcome. Nothing can outlast it. Nothing can undermine true love. It levels mountains, crosses oceans, and outdoes all storms. It is the purest form of feeling any person can find and express. Love fills in the hole that we have. First family fills it, but when you leave, and find love, you start a family of your own. It makes you complete. And it makes your partner complete too. Love doesn't make the literal world go round, but you might find that it can make yours go in whatever direction it will take you. When you find it, you know it. I believe that there is a person out there for everyone. When I find her, I will know. I WILL have my "Happily Ever After". Nothing short of death of serious injury will stop me, as long as I do the right things. Go ahead. Mock me if you want. So my idea of love is a little idealistic. I know that there is no "perfect woman". The trick is looking for the closest one to you. Relationships require sacrifice on both parts. There cannot be a truly idealistic love. But it will be the closest I can get it, when that bridge I come to cross. You know how it is. Everyone wants it. And I will get it. Rest assured.

Well, you guys have a good time, and steer clear of avalanches. I am pretty sure I have rambled enough.
ZW

School Is In Full Swing...

Yes, you heard it school fans (and consequently, non-school fans). School is in session. You are probably living it now as I type this. I am dying as I type this. Many people say you can't be allergic to school, or you can't die from going to school. Is this really true? Are you sure? By now, you might be doubting yourself. Actually, there are cases of college students dying from doing school. It is because they don't bother to sleep, eat, or even go to the bathroom. Yes, it is highly unfortunate, and even more highly unseen, but it is true. I stay up late doing school too. But at least I eat. And I definitely go to the bathroom. And I get as much sleep as possible. Not even in Texas, when I had what we call "butt-crack early" Seminary, or as I call it, "No-seminary-is-too-early-seminary" did I ever complain of a lack of sleep. 5:50 in the morning was when we had Seminary, which means that I had to wake up at 5:00. But anywho, I am slowly dying. My classes are leeching my life away. Honors Physics, (Like literally, I am taking the actual college course), AP Literature and Composition (Which really isn't that bad...) Government, (also not that hard), an easy math class, Journalism, (Which is not hard, but since I write for the school newspaper and I edit, it is kind of demanding) and Spanish II (Which if I could avoid, I would avoid it with my life. Unfortunately, in order to get into BYU, you have to have not one but TWO years of foreign language. Unfair, yo se. [Yo se is I know in Spanish]) I believe two things, which contradict each other. One: School is great. Most of the time. I love to learn, and I love that it gives me something to occupy my time with at the very least. Two, and this is the contradiction: School has to be nature's sick joke. I mean really. I has to be some horrible joke that nature plays on children to make there lives heck. It is nature's way of weeding out the idiots. (It isn't doing a very good job however, because of course, the idiots either somehow make it through school, or they avoid it all together and still manage to make it into our lives...) That and it promotes the more intelligent people to high positions, where they can accomplish more. (And yet, we still can't get rid of the idiots in the country.) Prime example: I know a guy, that since school is mandatory, he goes. (His parents make him at least.) But his lifelong goal is to be a farmer for the rest of his life. Really!? Why bother going to school then? Tell your parent's I am so done with this. Not that they will accept this, but if it gets one more idiot out of the schools, I don't care.  It is great that he wants to be a farmer, really! We need farmers, because I don't know about you, but I NEED FOOD. And I really don't want to have to buy it from the government, which happens to be where everything is going here. But, instead of wasting your time, my time, and most importantly school's time, just get out there and do it. If you want, you can continue school, get an agricultural degree, and make twice as much money, I don't CARE. (And apparently, neither does the person in question) But, whatever you do, don't waste time. Idiots like certain people have very limited time, if you know what I mean. And life does not have a reset button like the Ipods people are so fond of using, or the button on your PS3 or Xbox that you play your CoD on. You have one chance. And you can waste it on whatever you like, except school, or in my presence. Bottom line: Idiots are who they are, they can't really change. But they could do the rest of us a favor and not take our time. School is in session, I am slowly dying, and you are probably sick of this post.

I will finish my rambling with the ending of the post now.

This is Zavier White signing off, steer clear of avalanches (and idiots),
ZW

Summertime Blues... And Maybe a Comparison or Two

You would think that since school is out, I would be happy, wouldn't you? Wrong. I am not. All I have to do this summer is work. And I'm not really getting paid for it either. And, I have to sleep outside, due to the fact that I have not exactly had a great semester. I got a bad grade in Chemistry. Bad enough that I won't tell you what it is. Suffice it to say, my father thinks it is bad enough to have to sleep outside. I must say that this will be a rather eventful summer, and I can say for certain that I cannot wait until school starts. I am in fact, going to be a senior next year, so for all of you who read this, don't be surprised. I turn 17 soon, so it isn't much of a surprise to me. Anywho, I don't have much to look foreward to this summer, but my senior year should be eventful. I might even share a class with my brother... :) Of course, he doesn't like the idea, but he could get lucky and we could have the class at two different times in the year. I don't know why he doesn't want to be in Journalism with me. It's not like I am going to go around telling everyone his deepest darkest secrets. (Which, by the way, if you want to know them, I can set up a meeting, and we can discuss the terms...) :) I should be more worried than him. The Journalism teacher already knows my brother, so he might expect me to be like my brother. One thing you need to know, if you don't already, is that my brother and I might look similar, but we are distinctly different. My brother is the exactly opposite of me in body. Whereas I am a little shorter than him, he is now a little taller than me. He is skin and bones with a fair amount of muscle, and I am chubby, also with a fair amount of muscle, though it doesn't look like it. He looks better than I do, and you can tell very easily. It is this simple: wherever he goes, the girls almost literally follow him. I have seen so many girls stare at him, and I can only imagine what is going through their heads. Most likely things about him being cute, or how he is really funny and nice. All of which are true, and it pains me to say that I must accept this as a fact of life. That is not to say that we don't share the same traits. Besides physical looks, he and I are the same when it comes to our personalities and our ways of interacting with others. We both adopt the same tactics, though he is more foreward and hot-headed, whereas I am more subtle and quiet. I speak of him as my opposite, and that isn't far from the truth. If you were to see us both, you would find that to be very true. But, in all fairness, there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. If something were to happen to him, I would be beside myself with guilt and worry. That would shortly be followed by a sound beating and chastening of the person who dared to mess with my little bro. Nobody does anything to my little bro without my permission, and as he can tell you, I don't give permission lightly. Oh well, enough about that. Surely, you noticed the difference between this posts and my earlier posts. I am in a rather contemplative mood.

Steer clear of avalanches,
ZW

Warning: Entering "Debt Imminent" Zone!

Yes. That type of debt. No, not "Oh, I owe you a few dollars and a date" type of debt. No. I'm talking huge debt, like, to the tune of 3,000+ dollars!!! Actually, I don't know the exact price, 'cause my Dad is getting the quote now. Quote for what, you ask? Oh, yeah I forogot to tell you why... Here it is. My dad, bless his heart, let me drive his 2012 Volkswagon Jetta TDI yesterday, because my car was out of gas. (You can see where this is going, can't you?) He specifically told me, "Don't damage it, or wreck it. You aren't insured to drive the car." Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem, because I am a very good driver. Now, as bad luck would have it, I hit the back of someone's trailer not 3 minutes from my house. Don't worry. I wasn't hurt, and I didn't think the car was either, but I freaked out and drove off. Turns out, that you're supposed to stay put and exchange insurance information instead of driving off. That, I found out, was illegal, and a felony to boot. But, I was on my way to the Stake Center for what was to be a relaxing Martin's Cove Readers Theatre. WRONG. I spent the entire hour with my head in my hands, worrying about how my dad was going to kill me dead. Then, he was going to bring me back so he could kill me again. I imagined many other scenarios, all of which ended in my own untimely death. I came home, told my dad, and we got the person's info. Luckily, the damage went to our car, instead of his trailer. All I have to do is pay the guy for his broken trailer taillight. No big deal. However, our car got more damage. It only hit the area directly to the right headlight and it's corresponding side of the bumper and the quarter-panel. Turns out, one (me) has to replace the entire bumper, the headlight casing, and the quater panel, to boot. I owe him a not-yet-known sum of money, and hopefully, my new summer job will assist me in paying off my debt to him. He took it better than I thought. I heard no swear words, no mean phrases whatsoever. When my brother (foolishly) asked him why he was taking so well, what with the absences of profanity and such, he gave a very profound answer: "What good would swearing or complaining do? It's not like it's going to fix anything!" Unfortunately, he is correct. Only money and hard work by someone else can fix the physical damage to the car. But, very few things can fix the emotional damage that happened to myself. That is two motorized vehicle accidents that happened in as many days! The other? Oh. Yeah. That one was the one where we (my two brothers and I) accidently hit our grandmother with our little red lawn mower tractor. That, we haven't told Dad of yet. He doesn't know, and as much as I want to keep it that way, our grandmother told us that we had to tell him, or else it might come up in conversation. And when stuff like that happens and he doesn't know, he blows it all out of proportion... I won't bother telling you the whole story, but she only has a bruise on her leg, a small cut, and a new wariness for lawn-mowing tractors. So yeah, that was my weekend. Sounds fun, don't it? Well, hope you guys had a good weekend, steer clear of avalanches!

ZW

A Tournament! (And some painful injuries to boot)

As the title suggests, I hsve recently attended a tournament for Karate. As you might also know, assuming this isn't your first time reading this blog, I have vividly described prior to this post the experiences I have had in Karate. Doubtless, I have painted for you, a bleak and painful scene. Let not this distract you from the reality. Actually, wait. It isn't really all that distracting. It IS reality. However, all people at the dojo try to make it as simple and painless as possible. Not that it works. The tournament went well. Since I made the rank of black belt, I had the obligation....(Oh, did I just say that??) I mean oppurtunity to compete against all the otherblack belts in my age division. I got third place in both my events, due to the skill of my opponents and my slight lack of preperation. i messed up on my kata because I almost sweeped my OWN leg out from underneath me, and I sparred another sensei who was much bigger and much more skilled than myself. Technically, since I was in my own division by myself, I amq the winner and recieved, in my mind, a gold medal. I like to think that my second bronze, for sparring, is actually a bronze covered, GOLD medal. Along with my medals, I also gained a few injuries. Yes, I know. A real shocker. Heaven forbid I injure myself while doing one of thhe most dangerous sports on the planet. Well, news flash, I have always played it pretty safe while I have been in this sport. This time, I walked away (or hobbled away, in this case) on my own two (injured) feet. At first they were just pained and hurting. Lo and behold, as soon as I got home, I found that the tops of my feet were actually swollen to about two inches higher than normal. Yeah. Fun, huh? My mom keeps asking me if I think that my bones are broken, and they may or may not be taking me to the local doctor's offices for a more serious examination... I took some pain killers and sat down on the couch, read a few books, and then decided to check my email and do this post. Anywho, you all stay out of trouble, don't hurt yourself.

Oh, and steer clear of avalanches!!! (And sparring matches.)
ZW

Back in Idaho... CRAZY time begins!!!!

Howdy all you Whiteout Lovers, (The few of you there are...) I have arrived back in Idaho, and I must say that it is good to be home!!! However, my life just got 10 times as crazy! As much as I enjoyed my 3 month vacation, the people, the places, the TV, etc, I forgot what it was like to be home and have little time for recreation. My three month hiatus was well deserved, and I enjoyed every minute of it. But, back in CRAZY TOWN Idaho, my life is much more full. Now, most of you might think, "Oh, how could a homeschooler have such a crazy life?! They don't even have friends or go to school!" WRONG. We have a secret life that none else knows about. So, next time you think about aksing a homeschooler one of the typical questions, you should really be asking them, " PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!" Anywho, now that I am back, I get to go back to Karate, Mutual with my friends, and the mutlitude of chores that I had before. I hear that my sensei(s) are excited to see me. That does not bode well. That normally means that they want to catch up. Catch up on what you ask? Oh. I don't know if I should tell you... Ok, FINE, you win. They want to catch up on the pain they missed out on. And the learning that I missed. Oh, and don't forget that fact that one of them is on a mission, and therefore there is an opening, that both my brother and I need to fulfill. Anywho, I won't keep you any longer. I am sure that you have plenty of stuff to do, not including looking at my post much longer.

Stay safe, and steer clear of avalanches,
ZW

Almost Done...

J-Term is almost over!!! All I have to do is turn in one more activity log (on Friday), and do my presentation which I will have to do in the next hour or so, and I will be A-ok. But that doesn't leave me much to do. After this, I am going to be so bored... anywho, got to get going.

Been A While...

Howdy, y'all! And may I say, it is a good time to be in Texas. I have heard from all of my friends in Idaho, and we seem to have very bad luck. We picked a bad time to leave Idaho. In fact, this was the worst time to leave, because it seems that we aren't avoiding the snow at all!!!!! It has barely snowed at all. Though, it is supposed to get worse, and we won't be going back until at least Feburary. Right now, as of Janurary 5th, I am working on J-Term, and as of now, 12:51 p.m. Texas time, I got my report card. I am not happy. I have 1 A, 4 B's and a C. I also am now officially in trouble. C's are not cool. And I did all I could to improve my grade. I gave him the extra credit, and when he recieved it he told me that he couldn't view the videos. I asked him to send them back to me so I could put them someplace he could view it, and he didn't do anything!! But I really can't blame him. It was my fault. I can't blame him for my problems. So now I have to pay the consequences for my actions. Or my IN-action. Anywho, my parents haven't really said anything concerning my punishment, but the general rule is grounding until the midterm of the next semester. So, goodbye Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced 2: Grimoire of the Rift. I won't see you until March or April. Sorry. This also means I won't be blogging for awhile, not that I actually am very good at keeping a schedule...

Anywho, later folks! That's all for now.
ZW