Romance!
Girls like to read about it! (And love to be the recipient of it.) Guys like to initiate it! And everyone loves the benefits of it. :) Holding hands, a light kiss or two, and on a cold winter's night, there's nothing like curling up and laying in the arms of your significant other. (Or, in most guy's cases, having the girl in his arms. Oooh la la! ;) )
Though I've never had a significant other of my own, I have learned a lot about what and what not to do when chasing a member of the opposite gender. And I've gotten close enough to that to have knowledge of what to do in a romantic relationship. This has been added to by the many opinions of my female friends, who always change the way I view things every time they give me advice. :)
They say that nice guys finish last. That gentleman can't compete with bad boys. I beg to differ. My friends, gentleman is the new bad boy. :) Ladies love a guy in leather, or in a nice tuxedo, sure. But they also love a guy who's not a jerk. It's been my experience that when a guy or girl thinks of a gentleman, they get a rather interesting and incorrect view of what we actually are. We're a dying breed, you know. Lots of jerks out there who take women for granted. And, strangely enough, the women fall for them! Like, they like being harassed and abused, just because they don't care, or because they may not know what it's like, romance.
Let me assure you, guys and gals, this is not how it goes. Hence, why gentleman is the new bad boy. In this world of jerks and buttheads, we gentleman stand out. Now to the real work. There is a difference between being a gentleman and being a yesman. Gentleman are firm and have autonomy. We can say no, and sometimes, we have to. If you just automatically agree, then you're not really being a gentleman, you're just being a suck up. If you have an idea, don't hesitate to mention it. If you have something to say, or advice to give, or a no to say, say it. But, say it in such a way that shows respect to the woman in front of you.
It is a complicated thing, romance. Different for every person and in a state of flux between so many different states. It can be cool and causal, and or "hot and steamy". Soft, passionate, intense; the list goes on and on. And thus, it is so very hard to analyze. But, I digress. There are very basic guidelines one follows in order to make something like this work. I have found a minute part of this out, as a result of my study of people and myself. This type of thing, romance, makes me so very happy. I like trying to understand how people work. And I try out my ideas when I can.
Firstly, you don't have to be a sap for women to like you. But you don't have to be a jerk either. I suggest studying romance novels. While they may not be horribly realistic, they give good ideas, if you pay attention. Somewhere in the middle of passionate, funny and firm does the trick.
Girls do honestly like hearing compliments. I give as many of those out as I can, and you wouldn't believe how happy it makes them, even if their reactions aren't as energetic as you may think. They may tell you to stop, or tell you that they don't deserve it in one of many ways. This is an opportunity to show them how you feel. :) Tell them that they deserve compliments. Tell them that you'll stop saying them, but you'll continue to think them. This may drive them crazy, but they do appreciate being told they look nice, or that they're adorable. They like it when you laugh at their jokes, or play along when they are messing around. It shows you care.
Which leads to my next point. Let them know you care. Actively listen to what they have to say. Even if they're ranting, or telling you what you're doing wrong, or just plain having a horrible day and needing someone to talk to. They need you in that instant, and if you're there, their feelings for you will grow positively. If you miss them, text them randomly. They may well be on the opposite side wanting you to text them, but don't know if they should do it themselves or not. Fancy words and nice gifts are nice, but the feeling of being appreciated and listen to is much more lasting a gift.
Another thing I've noticed. But on the more physical sense. Girls... Work in such a way that their emotional sense often is tied to physical stimuli. Hence the reason they like holding hands, hugs, and lots of other friendly touching like pats on the shoulder, a hand in the center of the back. These things and more... These things work like so: in any type of relationship, whether it is between friends, spouses, significant others, each of those touches means something important. Corresponds to an emotional feeling that is very prevalent in girls' perception of people. Holding hands is a safety thing, and it implies a very non-platonic relationship. It's a definite sign of interest and love. Hugs are signs of affection, from familial level to interest to intense feeling. Depends on the frequency and the duration. Pats on the shoulder are friendly. Hands in the center of the back... Something very special. It's mainly a form of safety. Women like it because in situations where they are uncomfortable, it gives them a physical manifestation of connection. Between them and someone they trust. Usually only used between the girl and someone she is very close to.
Another point, for kicks. The quirkier the better. :) Eccentricities are great. If you have quirks, strange little habits or likes or dislikes, they like that. If they have feelings for you, they will remember them and try to cater to those whims. This works in your direction too. Pay attention! You may find a few things you will want to know, so that you can better find what truly makes her tick. Once you know
her quirks, you can easily understand. :) But it doesn't make her any less attractive to you, quite the opposite. The people who say that the thrill is in the chase are liars. The real thrill is what you do with what you know. :) And that knowledge makes things so very interesting.
So, there you have it. A brief compendium. Oh, and girls! This works just as well for you too. Pay attention to all the guys movements too. :) We'll thank you later.
ZW
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
...
I've done the one thing that I had wished I'd never do. I have hurt my best friend. It might not have been entirely my fault. And I hope she's okay. But, oh my goodness... My heart... It hurts... And I can't stop crying. Do I lack control? Am I... A loose cannon? Should I stop doing things that could hurt people? Hurt... Her? What's wrong with me?
I didn't think I'd done anything wrong... Until she started to cry... And that sound... Oh how it hurt... I told her to sit up, and she cried on me for a little bit. All I could do was hold her trembling body against my own as my eyes started to water. And as my heart hurt, and I held her, I just waited. I pulled her close, and I even kissed her head softly. But it hurt her so much... And it made me cry... And then, she pulled back and she looked at me. And she saw my eyes, and immediately and quietly chastened me for crying. And then, ever so softly, she wiped away the tears in my eyes. And she ran her hand through my hair in what was a comforting gesture. Which just made me weep even more, because I couldn't control myself.
And then when she stood, well, she couldn't stand all that well. And then my heart just broke... Because she was in so much pain... And I was the cause of it. She couldn't stand so well, and she really needed my help at times. She let me open doors, and move her gear. Which definitely was a sign. And she couldn't take any steps without gasping out in pain. I walked her to her car, and she let me open her doors and take her bag. And then painfully got in her car. Where I made sure she was okay. And then we looked at each other for a while, and she ran her hand through my hair again, and made me promise not to worry. I grudgingly promised, and let her go, though I didn't want to.
I just... Oh, I couldn't help myself. I did many things, tried to keep her as comfortable as possible, even tried to massage her back to relieve some of her pain. Which succeeded marginally, but still not good enough for me. And I'm not sure... I'm just sad. And very sorry. And I know what the consequences are. So... Yeah. There you have it.
I didn't think I'd done anything wrong... Until she started to cry... And that sound... Oh how it hurt... I told her to sit up, and she cried on me for a little bit. All I could do was hold her trembling body against my own as my eyes started to water. And as my heart hurt, and I held her, I just waited. I pulled her close, and I even kissed her head softly. But it hurt her so much... And it made me cry... And then, she pulled back and she looked at me. And she saw my eyes, and immediately and quietly chastened me for crying. And then, ever so softly, she wiped away the tears in my eyes. And she ran her hand through my hair in what was a comforting gesture. Which just made me weep even more, because I couldn't control myself.
And then when she stood, well, she couldn't stand all that well. And then my heart just broke... Because she was in so much pain... And I was the cause of it. She couldn't stand so well, and she really needed my help at times. She let me open doors, and move her gear. Which definitely was a sign. And she couldn't take any steps without gasping out in pain. I walked her to her car, and she let me open her doors and take her bag. And then painfully got in her car. Where I made sure she was okay. And then we looked at each other for a while, and she ran her hand through my hair again, and made me promise not to worry. I grudgingly promised, and let her go, though I didn't want to.
I just... Oh, I couldn't help myself. I did many things, tried to keep her as comfortable as possible, even tried to massage her back to relieve some of her pain. Which succeeded marginally, but still not good enough for me. And I'm not sure... I'm just sad. And very sorry. And I know what the consequences are. So... Yeah. There you have it.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Angels... Both of the Mythological and the Realistic Kind
At the behest of one of my more ardent readers I have been given a prompt to write on today. Apparently, it is Angels.
Angels of the ethereal kind are hard to talk about. Not many people have seen them, and those who have... Well, they tend to not talk about them. It's kinda sacred. I often ask myself what they look like, and many pictures have been shown. (See, I wouldn't mind if angels looked like anime angels. Big eyes, adorable faces. You know, anime like.) But, since I haven't as of yet seen an angel, it would be somewhat hard for me to really describe them. I'm sure they're infinitely kind and knowledgeable. Being servants of a divine being, they probably get lots of perks. (Parking spots close to the heavenly office building, access to Heaven's Famous all-you-can eat-and-never-get-fat buffet, God-like powers, and never ever being bored.) But they have a lot of work to do. After all so many people are on the other side. Death certainly does not mean release from work. (You hear that, people? Even after we die, we still don't get any rest. ;) )
Anywho. Enough with that. Angel also is used as a more colloquial term, used by guys to refer to women, and, while I don't know this for certain, I can only assume that a few people are fairly good and "angelic". (Besides my dearest friend Onee-chan. Who I already know is. :) )
You see, on my journeys across campus, I have found a few girls that I could think about pursuing. One of which is in my math class. She's pretty cute. She has this interesting shade of light brown hair, and bright blue eyes. She's about my height, actually. (Which has more meaning than one would think.) She's pretty intelligent, but really quiet. Like, she can talk, and she does so with the other girl who sits at our table. But, she doesn't really say all that much. (I'm kinda like that. Except I talk a lot, but I don't always say very much.) She seems really nice though. She has a nice sounding voice. And she's really calm. Nothing seems to faze her. Probably a good thing in school. :) She's not afraid of asking for help, even though I'm pretty sure that she could do it even better than I could. :)
And then, in my dance class there are many wonderful people. But, so far, only one person has made the effort to remember my name, and succeeded. I won't mention her name here, but I think she's really cute. :) She has blonde hair and brown eyes, sit closer to about 5'2, (So, much shorter than myself. The perfect height, nearly. Just tall enough to fit under the chin.) And she's energetic. Very much so. Not hyperactive, but energetic. And a very good dancer. (So much so that sometimes I can't keep up. because my own dancing skills are less impressive than hers, but I do my best, and it seems to work out.) She has a very good sense of humor, and she uses it really often. And she is rather... supportive. Almost pushy, but in a good way.
There you go, Whiteout fans. Steer clear of avalanches. :)
ZW
Angels of the ethereal kind are hard to talk about. Not many people have seen them, and those who have... Well, they tend to not talk about them. It's kinda sacred. I often ask myself what they look like, and many pictures have been shown. (See, I wouldn't mind if angels looked like anime angels. Big eyes, adorable faces. You know, anime like.) But, since I haven't as of yet seen an angel, it would be somewhat hard for me to really describe them. I'm sure they're infinitely kind and knowledgeable. Being servants of a divine being, they probably get lots of perks. (Parking spots close to the heavenly office building, access to Heaven's Famous all-you-can eat-and-never-get-fat buffet, God-like powers, and never ever being bored.) But they have a lot of work to do. After all so many people are on the other side. Death certainly does not mean release from work. (You hear that, people? Even after we die, we still don't get any rest. ;) )
Anywho. Enough with that. Angel also is used as a more colloquial term, used by guys to refer to women, and, while I don't know this for certain, I can only assume that a few people are fairly good and "angelic". (Besides my dearest friend Onee-chan. Who I already know is. :) )
You see, on my journeys across campus, I have found a few girls that I could think about pursuing. One of which is in my math class. She's pretty cute. She has this interesting shade of light brown hair, and bright blue eyes. She's about my height, actually. (Which has more meaning than one would think.) She's pretty intelligent, but really quiet. Like, she can talk, and she does so with the other girl who sits at our table. But, she doesn't really say all that much. (I'm kinda like that. Except I talk a lot, but I don't always say very much.) She seems really nice though. She has a nice sounding voice. And she's really calm. Nothing seems to faze her. Probably a good thing in school. :) She's not afraid of asking for help, even though I'm pretty sure that she could do it even better than I could. :)
And then, in my dance class there are many wonderful people. But, so far, only one person has made the effort to remember my name, and succeeded. I won't mention her name here, but I think she's really cute. :) She has blonde hair and brown eyes, sit closer to about 5'2, (So, much shorter than myself. The perfect height, nearly. Just tall enough to fit under the chin.) And she's energetic. Very much so. Not hyperactive, but energetic. And a very good dancer. (So much so that sometimes I can't keep up. because my own dancing skills are less impressive than hers, but I do my best, and it seems to work out.) She has a very good sense of humor, and she uses it really often. And she is rather... supportive. Almost pushy, but in a good way.
There you go, Whiteout fans. Steer clear of avalanches. :)
ZW
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Doctor Who
"When I look at her, I see all of it. The hole that was left and the pain that filled it."
--David Tennant
ZW
(From Doctor Who, The Doctor's Daughter.)
--David Tennant
ZW
(From Doctor Who, The Doctor's Daughter.)
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Like a Blues Song...
Some days, I curse myself. I'm a very empathic person, I have to consider all emotions attached to something before I can make any type of decision. And, when I make certain decisions, I often can't fathom the outcome, and I end up feeling bad, for one reason or another. A few recent events have occurred that have made me feel this way, and I don't like it. (To the person who reads this: What I said still maintains it's effect. You don't have to apologize for telling me things. Or asking me to do things. You don't bother me at all. I look forward to these things. I do and feel things because I love you.)
First off, my best friend recently had... well, a bit of a scary thing happen to her. This has been midterms week for her, fraught with exams, reports, and Prom stuffs for Art Club. Needless to say, she was under great duress. When, of course, she is under such duress, she immediately forgoes certain things. Like eating. (As most people do when they're busy.) But for her, it's worse. Anywho. I was working at the courthouse the other day, working with AutoMarks (Giant 100 pound pains in the-- well, I'll keep it clean. My brother refers to them as such, but I tend not to repeat him.) and I get a few voice messages from her.
It seems that she was really stressed, and she asked me to take her home and if I could help her with a report she had due. This, normally, would have been fine and dandy, except that I was with my Mom AND we had 4-H that night. So, while I was talking with her, something strange happened. All the sudden, she started to have problems speaking. She would repeat herself a bunch of times, and I could tell things had taken a turn for the worse. I couldn't have made it in time, I noticed, because she called her mother, and she was taken to the doctor to see what was the matter. She knows what went wrong, and she's trying to avoid it now. But, at that moment in time... I couldn't control myself. Just hearing her speak made my heart stop. My breath shortened up, and my pulse started to race. Frantically, I tried to get my Mom to take me to where she was so that I could do something. Anything. My entire being wanted to be exactly where she was, so that I could be of some use to her. I just... Oh, I wanted to find her, and hold her, and tell her it was going to be okay. Take her back to her house, and lay her down on her bed, and sit there and wait. Wait until I knew she was okay. But, I couldn't. I spent the entire night wondering. Hoping that all was well. It got so bad that one of my Sensei's intervened. Told me a few things. Hard things and soft things. And it eased my conscience a little, but I still felt sick and sad.
A week ago, she was at a Stake Dance. Of course, I thought, she'd be fine, right? No worries at a Stake Dance. Well, it turned out she was forced by her Mom to go, but her boyfriend wasn't going to be there. So, she was alone. She messaged me asking me to come so that she wouldn't have to be alone, and other such things. Again, my situation depended on my mother, who again, shot me down. So, I waited. All night. To make sure she got home. Because, I couldn't go and comfort her as I wanted. And I dearly wanted to. I like dancing. And spending time with her. So, I felt bad, because I had one desire. She had one need. And I couldn't manage to fill it.
And then, today. Her ward was having a youth auction, auctioning off lots of items in the business of raising money for their youth trips. I was availed of this several days before, and was being encouraged to come, but I knew I wouldn't be able to, because my father was home that weekend. And whenever Dad is home, I go nowhere. (It comes down to a few things. Very important things. So I had to make a choice, and much to my chagrin, I made the wise one.) We had things we needed to do. It literally took us the entire day to put our basement back together, and I knew that was going to happen. So I told her I wouldn't be able to make it. (Not that it was horrible, you know, that I couldn't. They needed people to show up, is all.) I would have gladly came, just for her. So I felt bad once more, because I couldn't go. Then, she comes back and tells me that I "missed out". Now, I responded first with regret, and then with a little sarcasm. I immediately regretted it. She didn't know how I felt. So I shouldn't have responded as I had. If she had known that I felt bad about not being able to attend... About not having been able to support her and spend some time with her like I love to do... She might not have said it. But, I can't blame her.
Apparently, I've been doing a lot of letting down lately. And frankly, it hurts. Because I don't like having to do that. I ache so badly when I can't do something for someone. I mean, I'd jump off a cliff for people, if it did any good. For her, all my talents, time, experience, and love are at her disposal. So, to do such a thing as to repeatedly fail her doesn't sit well with me. Gah... I don't like it. I really don't. I spend sleepless nights thinking of this sometimes.
It also hasn't been too pleasant that one of my other best friends has been ignoring me, and yet she still hasn't told me why. And then, she goes and asks for my help late one night. I, of course, answer her back as quickly as I can, but... It hurt that she wouldn't talk to me, and then, when she needed me, she finally decided she would speak to me again. Like, "I'm ignoring you, but as soon as I need help, you're suddenly there." Seriously? Is that what it means? I mean, I know I'm overprotective and somewhat bossy, but instead of ignoring me, why not just tell me? I'm many things, but what I don't do is make excuses for myself. I acknowledge that I did something stupid, and I move on in the right direction. I needed to speak with her. Several times. I needed to tell her things. Things to get off my mind. I sent her a message every time. And normally, she's there. But, this time, she wasn't. She point-blank shut me down. And that stung, because never in my life have I done that to her. To anybody. Even when people ignore me, I'd still move the world for them. I feel... Many things. I want her to feel like I'm always there. Because I am. But, what happens when you ignore someone, and then, when you need them... They don't come back? I personally, hope to never do that to someone. And I have a very large amount of patience. But even I can take a hint. I'll fight tooth and nail to keep people in my life. But, if you don't want to talk with me, that's... Well, that's a real pity. Because part of me wants to keep you talking to me. Most of me. About 95%. But, that other 5%... Tells me that if you really don't want to speak with me... Then I'll let you do as you wish. Because that's how love works.
I guess, when you're like me, you get stuck holding the stick of emotional dynamite. Everything is all sunshine and roses until something happens. Then, I have to make a choice. Normally, I pick the choice that solves the other person's problems. Makes them happy. And in return, I become happy. And they feel like there is someone in their court. (I like to think of myself as a Gatsby type person. I try to be invariably prejudiced in favor of the people I associate myself with. The people I love.) But, when I can no longer do that, I feel like... Well, a failure. And I don't like that. Not one bit.
Have a good weekend, Whiteout fans.
First off, my best friend recently had... well, a bit of a scary thing happen to her. This has been midterms week for her, fraught with exams, reports, and Prom stuffs for Art Club. Needless to say, she was under great duress. When, of course, she is under such duress, she immediately forgoes certain things. Like eating. (As most people do when they're busy.) But for her, it's worse. Anywho. I was working at the courthouse the other day, working with AutoMarks (Giant 100 pound pains in the-- well, I'll keep it clean. My brother refers to them as such, but I tend not to repeat him.) and I get a few voice messages from her.
It seems that she was really stressed, and she asked me to take her home and if I could help her with a report she had due. This, normally, would have been fine and dandy, except that I was with my Mom AND we had 4-H that night. So, while I was talking with her, something strange happened. All the sudden, she started to have problems speaking. She would repeat herself a bunch of times, and I could tell things had taken a turn for the worse. I couldn't have made it in time, I noticed, because she called her mother, and she was taken to the doctor to see what was the matter. She knows what went wrong, and she's trying to avoid it now. But, at that moment in time... I couldn't control myself. Just hearing her speak made my heart stop. My breath shortened up, and my pulse started to race. Frantically, I tried to get my Mom to take me to where she was so that I could do something. Anything. My entire being wanted to be exactly where she was, so that I could be of some use to her. I just... Oh, I wanted to find her, and hold her, and tell her it was going to be okay. Take her back to her house, and lay her down on her bed, and sit there and wait. Wait until I knew she was okay. But, I couldn't. I spent the entire night wondering. Hoping that all was well. It got so bad that one of my Sensei's intervened. Told me a few things. Hard things and soft things. And it eased my conscience a little, but I still felt sick and sad.
A week ago, she was at a Stake Dance. Of course, I thought, she'd be fine, right? No worries at a Stake Dance. Well, it turned out she was forced by her Mom to go, but her boyfriend wasn't going to be there. So, she was alone. She messaged me asking me to come so that she wouldn't have to be alone, and other such things. Again, my situation depended on my mother, who again, shot me down. So, I waited. All night. To make sure she got home. Because, I couldn't go and comfort her as I wanted. And I dearly wanted to. I like dancing. And spending time with her. So, I felt bad, because I had one desire. She had one need. And I couldn't manage to fill it.
And then, today. Her ward was having a youth auction, auctioning off lots of items in the business of raising money for their youth trips. I was availed of this several days before, and was being encouraged to come, but I knew I wouldn't be able to, because my father was home that weekend. And whenever Dad is home, I go nowhere. (It comes down to a few things. Very important things. So I had to make a choice, and much to my chagrin, I made the wise one.) We had things we needed to do. It literally took us the entire day to put our basement back together, and I knew that was going to happen. So I told her I wouldn't be able to make it. (Not that it was horrible, you know, that I couldn't. They needed people to show up, is all.) I would have gladly came, just for her. So I felt bad once more, because I couldn't go. Then, she comes back and tells me that I "missed out". Now, I responded first with regret, and then with a little sarcasm. I immediately regretted it. She didn't know how I felt. So I shouldn't have responded as I had. If she had known that I felt bad about not being able to attend... About not having been able to support her and spend some time with her like I love to do... She might not have said it. But, I can't blame her.
Apparently, I've been doing a lot of letting down lately. And frankly, it hurts. Because I don't like having to do that. I ache so badly when I can't do something for someone. I mean, I'd jump off a cliff for people, if it did any good. For her, all my talents, time, experience, and love are at her disposal. So, to do such a thing as to repeatedly fail her doesn't sit well with me. Gah... I don't like it. I really don't. I spend sleepless nights thinking of this sometimes.
It also hasn't been too pleasant that one of my other best friends has been ignoring me, and yet she still hasn't told me why. And then, she goes and asks for my help late one night. I, of course, answer her back as quickly as I can, but... It hurt that she wouldn't talk to me, and then, when she needed me, she finally decided she would speak to me again. Like, "I'm ignoring you, but as soon as I need help, you're suddenly there." Seriously? Is that what it means? I mean, I know I'm overprotective and somewhat bossy, but instead of ignoring me, why not just tell me? I'm many things, but what I don't do is make excuses for myself. I acknowledge that I did something stupid, and I move on in the right direction. I needed to speak with her. Several times. I needed to tell her things. Things to get off my mind. I sent her a message every time. And normally, she's there. But, this time, she wasn't. She point-blank shut me down. And that stung, because never in my life have I done that to her. To anybody. Even when people ignore me, I'd still move the world for them. I feel... Many things. I want her to feel like I'm always there. Because I am. But, what happens when you ignore someone, and then, when you need them... They don't come back? I personally, hope to never do that to someone. And I have a very large amount of patience. But even I can take a hint. I'll fight tooth and nail to keep people in my life. But, if you don't want to talk with me, that's... Well, that's a real pity. Because part of me wants to keep you talking to me. Most of me. About 95%. But, that other 5%... Tells me that if you really don't want to speak with me... Then I'll let you do as you wish. Because that's how love works.
I guess, when you're like me, you get stuck holding the stick of emotional dynamite. Everything is all sunshine and roses until something happens. Then, I have to make a choice. Normally, I pick the choice that solves the other person's problems. Makes them happy. And in return, I become happy. And they feel like there is someone in their court. (I like to think of myself as a Gatsby type person. I try to be invariably prejudiced in favor of the people I associate myself with. The people I love.) But, when I can no longer do that, I feel like... Well, a failure. And I don't like that. Not one bit.
Have a good weekend, Whiteout fans.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Tournament! And a Little Something Else...
Howdy there, Whiteout fans! It's been a while, but I figured a tournament would be a good enough reason to jump back on the blogging horse.
So. Yesterday there was a tournament held in Rigby. I, of course, only had one event, but all of our students who performed did a wonderful job. Of special mention was my best friend. She performed in four events, and got gold in almost all of them, cause she's amazing. I only performed in one event and judged the rest of them with a few of the other black belts. And, we also performed our kagura, which I mentioned earlier. It went really well. And if we'd managed to start on time (due to a teeny tiny music glitch), it would have been perfect. We did really well, and both of us got gold medals for our performance. We have a plan to improve it over the next three months or so for the tournament in August, but we'll probably only be able to do the first half of the wave for the tournament, due to time constraints. But, it went over really well, and I truly think that by the next tournament, it will be very well done. :) Overall, our students did a really good job. Two of the three grand prizes went to students from our dojo. (The other one went to a student previously from our dojo, so it didn't fall far from the tree.) As usual, I got free food, and candy for cheap, so I can't wait for the next tournament to stock back up. ;)
And now... to a slightly further removed subject.
It has come to my attention... That I do a lot for other people that they don't really think I should. I don't understand why, truly. You see, I have few things I do. One of which is something very easily taken for granted. Taken advantage of. And yet, I manage to do it anyway. Simply put, I have an unending love for other people. And certain people, I would bend over backwards for. One such person.. Yesterday, kind of gave me a lecture. She told me that I didn't need to do so much for her. To stop sacrificing myself for her.
This gave me pause. And a bit of frustration. Because, well... I don't know any other way to do things. This is how I am. When I have love for someone, especially this person, I will always, ALWAYS, do anything and everything I can for them. It's not because they aren't capable. Or that they're weak, or unable to do anything. It's because I CAN do things. Because I want to. I have a hard time watching the people close to me struggling. I have a hard time watching them make what I think might be mistakes.
There's so much I could say on this subject. My opinion isn't always needed. Or wanted. And most of the time, it is ignored. Because I'm overprotective. But, with my version of love... I do everything I can do out of love. I have to do it, because I need to. She told me that I had no reason to stay up to make sure she got home safe. No reason, in fact, to even do anything for her at all! Even though, both of us knew she'd forever do the same for me! (Now, I don't know about you, but that logic isn't exactly sound, and I kinda chuckled at this.) This, of course, was unacceptable to me, but again, it got me thinking.
I'm the type of person who gives unconditionally. I want nothing from the other person, pretty much. I give out love and trust and help unconditionally. The only thing I could ever ask for, is this: That maybe, just maybe, that the person I give that to could take it and appreciate it. And, even less asked for, maybe they could even give it back in their own way. I don't care if they do or not. I don't care if the person I give myself to can do for themselves what I can do for them. I don't really care how capable you are, and I'll let you do certain things by yourself. I don't involve myself in everything, because people are people.
But, seriously. Even the most capable people can fall down. Even the strongest people need help. And, I always help. I'm always there if people need me. My best friend is one of the most capable girls I've known. She's strong, and kind, and amazing. But to me, she's someone who I get to have the privilege of helping when she needs it. (And this is to say nothing of her blatant disregard for my constant chivalry. ;) She can't do anything about it, and she knows it, but she always tries to do the stuff that I'm supposed to do. Like open doors, and carry bags, etc.) And she's never told me before that I shouldn't do things for her. It's not easy for me to do that.
I am the... opposite. Strong though I might be, I depend on other people. On doing things for other people. For stability. To keep myself... normal. Everything I do out of love, is also something I do simply because I have a need to do and show my love for the people in my life. I do it because I need to. It makes me happy. It gives me immense joy to help her, because I feel useful. I feel needed. And that's very hard for me to get sometimes. I feel like... When I do things for other people, I get the love that I need. If I don't, I feel like I haven't done anything to deserve what is given me. I'm hard to deal with, I know. I gotta have things a certain way. I do what I do, and I never compromise it for anyone, because I can't.
I haven't even begun to write the thousand-fold things that I really feel on this subject. But suffice it to say this: I won't change how I am. I can't. I can't help worrying, and helping, and always being there for her. I don't know what I'd do without her, to be honest, because I've come to depend on her in every way, shape, and form that I can. Sometimes, she asks me to do things that... I cannot. And some of those things, I attempt anyway, knowing that I've done what I can to try and convince her otherwise. And, I'll tell you, sometimes, it hurts me to know that she's doing something that could be a bad thing. I just... ache. So much. Because I love her so much, that... When she does something that I can see could be... less than good, I start to ache from the fact that I KNOW something is wrong. And now it's come to the point... Well, everything she does affects me in such a way that I feel what she does. I hurt when she hurts. I feel sad when she is sad. And I'm immensely happy when she is happy. I guess that's part of what is deep feeling for another person.
And there you have it, folks. Talk to you later, Whiteout lovers. Steer clear of avalanches.
ZW
So. Yesterday there was a tournament held in Rigby. I, of course, only had one event, but all of our students who performed did a wonderful job. Of special mention was my best friend. She performed in four events, and got gold in almost all of them, cause she's amazing. I only performed in one event and judged the rest of them with a few of the other black belts. And, we also performed our kagura, which I mentioned earlier. It went really well. And if we'd managed to start on time (due to a teeny tiny music glitch), it would have been perfect. We did really well, and both of us got gold medals for our performance. We have a plan to improve it over the next three months or so for the tournament in August, but we'll probably only be able to do the first half of the wave for the tournament, due to time constraints. But, it went over really well, and I truly think that by the next tournament, it will be very well done. :) Overall, our students did a really good job. Two of the three grand prizes went to students from our dojo. (The other one went to a student previously from our dojo, so it didn't fall far from the tree.) As usual, I got free food, and candy for cheap, so I can't wait for the next tournament to stock back up. ;)
And now... to a slightly further removed subject.
It has come to my attention... That I do a lot for other people that they don't really think I should. I don't understand why, truly. You see, I have few things I do. One of which is something very easily taken for granted. Taken advantage of. And yet, I manage to do it anyway. Simply put, I have an unending love for other people. And certain people, I would bend over backwards for. One such person.. Yesterday, kind of gave me a lecture. She told me that I didn't need to do so much for her. To stop sacrificing myself for her.
This gave me pause. And a bit of frustration. Because, well... I don't know any other way to do things. This is how I am. When I have love for someone, especially this person, I will always, ALWAYS, do anything and everything I can for them. It's not because they aren't capable. Or that they're weak, or unable to do anything. It's because I CAN do things. Because I want to. I have a hard time watching the people close to me struggling. I have a hard time watching them make what I think might be mistakes.
There's so much I could say on this subject. My opinion isn't always needed. Or wanted. And most of the time, it is ignored. Because I'm overprotective. But, with my version of love... I do everything I can do out of love. I have to do it, because I need to. She told me that I had no reason to stay up to make sure she got home safe. No reason, in fact, to even do anything for her at all! Even though, both of us knew she'd forever do the same for me! (Now, I don't know about you, but that logic isn't exactly sound, and I kinda chuckled at this.) This, of course, was unacceptable to me, but again, it got me thinking.
I'm the type of person who gives unconditionally. I want nothing from the other person, pretty much. I give out love and trust and help unconditionally. The only thing I could ever ask for, is this: That maybe, just maybe, that the person I give that to could take it and appreciate it. And, even less asked for, maybe they could even give it back in their own way. I don't care if they do or not. I don't care if the person I give myself to can do for themselves what I can do for them. I don't really care how capable you are, and I'll let you do certain things by yourself. I don't involve myself in everything, because people are people.
But, seriously. Even the most capable people can fall down. Even the strongest people need help. And, I always help. I'm always there if people need me. My best friend is one of the most capable girls I've known. She's strong, and kind, and amazing. But to me, she's someone who I get to have the privilege of helping when she needs it. (And this is to say nothing of her blatant disregard for my constant chivalry. ;) She can't do anything about it, and she knows it, but she always tries to do the stuff that I'm supposed to do. Like open doors, and carry bags, etc.) And she's never told me before that I shouldn't do things for her. It's not easy for me to do that.
I am the... opposite. Strong though I might be, I depend on other people. On doing things for other people. For stability. To keep myself... normal. Everything I do out of love, is also something I do simply because I have a need to do and show my love for the people in my life. I do it because I need to. It makes me happy. It gives me immense joy to help her, because I feel useful. I feel needed. And that's very hard for me to get sometimes. I feel like... When I do things for other people, I get the love that I need. If I don't, I feel like I haven't done anything to deserve what is given me. I'm hard to deal with, I know. I gotta have things a certain way. I do what I do, and I never compromise it for anyone, because I can't.
I haven't even begun to write the thousand-fold things that I really feel on this subject. But suffice it to say this: I won't change how I am. I can't. I can't help worrying, and helping, and always being there for her. I don't know what I'd do without her, to be honest, because I've come to depend on her in every way, shape, and form that I can. Sometimes, she asks me to do things that... I cannot. And some of those things, I attempt anyway, knowing that I've done what I can to try and convince her otherwise. And, I'll tell you, sometimes, it hurts me to know that she's doing something that could be a bad thing. I just... ache. So much. Because I love her so much, that... When she does something that I can see could be... less than good, I start to ache from the fact that I KNOW something is wrong. And now it's come to the point... Well, everything she does affects me in such a way that I feel what she does. I hurt when she hurts. I feel sad when she is sad. And I'm immensely happy when she is happy. I guess that's part of what is deep feeling for another person.
And there you have it, folks. Talk to you later, Whiteout lovers. Steer clear of avalanches.
ZW
Friday, April 18, 2014
The Day From Heck...
Is tomorrow. Today is "The Day Just Before Heck." Today, I woke up to a GINORMOUS crack in our fish tank, a raging headache, and a busy day full of things to do. And then the fish tank broke. As I sit here, covered in fish water, smelling like a fish tank, and my entire body aching, I just think of one thing: Tomorrow will be no better. An utterly hopeless prospect. But the only one I currently have.
I spent THREE HOURS today vacuuming two spots on the carpet downstairs. Which, of course, was wetter than the ocean. THREE HOURS!! And you wanna know how much good it did? NONE. Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Cero. Nein. So much for a useful day. Then, I went to campus, and traipsed about, and I was thwarted there too! I couldn't even get my BOOKS! Or my parking permit! The only good thing I managed to do, was get my exercise clothes! (Cause I'll be hitting the gym on my off time. Hello muscles! :) ) Anywho. So, then I came back home to more futile efforts.
On top of this, I start school on Monday. Which will be lovely. And tomorrow, we have yet MORE trees to plant, MORE fish tank stuff, AND preparations for the giant family party for the holidays! Which is why tomorrow is gonna be lovely.
In other news, I have had several emotional upheavals this week. And, unrelated to that... My friend who lives in Boise has contacted me several times, asking for a listening ear. Which, I happen to enjoy. I'm fond of giving people an ear and a shoulder. And, she really needed it. I'm sure that being kicked out and not having any foreseeable place to go is wonderful for the stress level. So, when she contacted me, she was suitably freaked out. And she needed someone to go to for help. And who am I to turn someone away? That's my bread and butter, man. One of the only reasons I have actual friends, is because I seem to be a rather good influence, and can manage to help people calm down, and give them the comfort they need.
This seems to be my purpose in life. Several times this week alone, it has become apparent to me, that I am a force for good in this world. People come to me with their problems, and somehow, they leave without them. Or, at the very least, with a sense that they can overcome them. Makes me wonder... What am I to do with this...? How can I better use this to help the people I care about? I seem to elude myself. I can't see in myself what everyone else sees in me. In reality, all I see in myself is a few small abilities, and the fact that I'm a jerk. A pain in the bottom, most times. I'm stubborn, sometimes rude and arrogant, honest to a fault, (The size of the San Andreas.), and a million other things. That I feel will make it hard for me in life. Not things that I can change, per se. Just things... As they are. Of course, people seem to see me completely differently. To some, I'm a saint. To others, a nice young gentleman. To even others, maybe an overachiever. To a few, a friend. To even fewer, a leader. And to a very VERY small amount of people, a best friend.
My problem, is this. I am an extremely emotional person. Not the crying type. Just that, I have requirements emotionally that must be met. And in this way, I am construed as needy. Which I suppose I am. More on this to come.
I'll cut this one short, folks. The next one's gonna be a doozy....
Stay safe, and steer clear of avalanches.
ZW
I spent THREE HOURS today vacuuming two spots on the carpet downstairs. Which, of course, was wetter than the ocean. THREE HOURS!! And you wanna know how much good it did? NONE. Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Cero. Nein. So much for a useful day. Then, I went to campus, and traipsed about, and I was thwarted there too! I couldn't even get my BOOKS! Or my parking permit! The only good thing I managed to do, was get my exercise clothes! (Cause I'll be hitting the gym on my off time. Hello muscles! :) ) Anywho. So, then I came back home to more futile efforts.
On top of this, I start school on Monday. Which will be lovely. And tomorrow, we have yet MORE trees to plant, MORE fish tank stuff, AND preparations for the giant family party for the holidays! Which is why tomorrow is gonna be lovely.
In other news, I have had several emotional upheavals this week. And, unrelated to that... My friend who lives in Boise has contacted me several times, asking for a listening ear. Which, I happen to enjoy. I'm fond of giving people an ear and a shoulder. And, she really needed it. I'm sure that being kicked out and not having any foreseeable place to go is wonderful for the stress level. So, when she contacted me, she was suitably freaked out. And she needed someone to go to for help. And who am I to turn someone away? That's my bread and butter, man. One of the only reasons I have actual friends, is because I seem to be a rather good influence, and can manage to help people calm down, and give them the comfort they need.
This seems to be my purpose in life. Several times this week alone, it has become apparent to me, that I am a force for good in this world. People come to me with their problems, and somehow, they leave without them. Or, at the very least, with a sense that they can overcome them. Makes me wonder... What am I to do with this...? How can I better use this to help the people I care about? I seem to elude myself. I can't see in myself what everyone else sees in me. In reality, all I see in myself is a few small abilities, and the fact that I'm a jerk. A pain in the bottom, most times. I'm stubborn, sometimes rude and arrogant, honest to a fault, (The size of the San Andreas.), and a million other things. That I feel will make it hard for me in life. Not things that I can change, per se. Just things... As they are. Of course, people seem to see me completely differently. To some, I'm a saint. To others, a nice young gentleman. To even others, maybe an overachiever. To a few, a friend. To even fewer, a leader. And to a very VERY small amount of people, a best friend.
My problem, is this. I am an extremely emotional person. Not the crying type. Just that, I have requirements emotionally that must be met. And in this way, I am construed as needy. Which I suppose I am. More on this to come.
I'll cut this one short, folks. The next one's gonna be a doozy....
Stay safe, and steer clear of avalanches.
ZW
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