Graduation(s) and Ensuing Conversations...

Yes, Whiteout Fans, your friendly neighborhood Senior is Graduating this week. Today was Seminary Graduation, and Thursday is IDVA Graduation, both of which I shall talk about here. :)

Seminary Graduation was pretty good. Short, but good. I always enjoy sitting next to people I know, listening to people I know, and then walking through aisles of chairs and hitting my shins on each hymnbook as I pass by each chair. (Sarcasm only applied to the last part.) I saw a lot of the people I knew from actual high school, and others that I know from around this area. It was really nice to talk to a few of those people from a few years back. After I recieved my diploma though, it said I'd done 3 years of Seminary instead of the 4 that I actually attended. So I don't actually have it, but I will when they fix the mistake. When I got home, we somehow got into the discussion of girls and how many my brother and I know. Dad and Mom have made it common knowledge that my brother knows many a girl. When I have a stunning total of, *drum roll*, three that I fulfill the same requirements with, all of which live far away... Anywho, yeah. Don't know how it happened, but it was plenty awkward, and all of the family (and now you who read this) know what a strange little duck I am. :)

Now, GRADUATION Graduation, is a different story. Entirely. That's on Thursday. I look forward to it, because I'll not only be done with High School, but I perform at it as well. (Singing. Josh Groban's, "You Raise Me Up". Should be most interesting.) So I'm practicing for that, and getting everything in order. Gonna have to get all my textbooks ready to return at Grad, make sure everything is nice and taken care of, etc. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, really. My family is going to put me to the multiplicity of work that we have on the farm, and I'm just like, "Gah. Make Braeden do it. I'll do his school for him." But, anywho, so yeah.

Have a good time, and steer clear of avalanches.
ZW

Prom!!! Prom, Prom, Prom!

I could sing it out loud... Loudly. I could write a book on it. Might not be a best-seller, but it's good enough. (I may or may not include a chapter in my "novel" which may or may not tell you my experience in code. But I'm writing it here for you anyway.) Prom. Was. Awesome! Or, as my lovely date would say, "Emosewa!" Oh, yes, Whiteout fans, you are reading the words of a thoroughly, THOROUGHLY satisfied young man. (Kudos to the person who orcestrated the entire Prom. You know who you are. You did a more than fantastic job!) My day started out fairly well, and then just got better and better. We left at about 9:30 am and we drove for 4 hours to get to Boise. I met my lovely date just outside a Pier 1 Imports store on the edge of the mall. It was quite interesting to meet her in person. She told me to wait outside, but I decided that I wouldn't, so I went and basically met her at the entrance right before she walked out. Met her small but lovely family, and we all chatted nicely together when we got out to their car. (Ours was parked a mere two spaces away, so Dad and Braeden got to meet them too.) We talked, and talked, and talked some more, and then we finally "blew that popsicle stand", and we went inside the Mall. Boise Towne Square Mall is huge. Really huge. So I had my fun walking and talking, (One of my favorite things.) to one of my absolute favorite people. She's just so... awesome. She put up with my talking, and we had a great time. Then, we went to the Cheesecake Factory right outside the Mall. More walking (a short walk) and talking, but then we sat down to a lovely meal. And more talking. (Are you sensing a theme yet?) I don't mind telling you, THAT was a meal worth the time. The food was good, but the company... the company was the best. She's just a lovely girl, and I wish so much that I had more time with her than I did that day. Words can't really describe it, but she's just so... so awesome. I'm so so glad that she said yes and that we had an emosewa day date. But it didn't stop there, no it continued further. We went back to her "house", and got ready. I almost saw her dress and she kinda shooed me rather quickly out of the trailer so I didn't see it. I got dressed, and then I watched as she exited the trailer, looking, (She might not appreciate this, but I'll say it anyway) drop dead gorgeous. I picked a winner, folks. We then took pictures, courtesy of her parents. In the heels she was wearing, she couldn't walk all that well in gravel, or pretty much most places. So she leaned on me a lot all night, along with indulging all my chivalrous eccentricities, because that's just how I am. But I had to tell her, "Stay right there.", otherwise she'd open her own door. Yes, horrors, I know. Heaven forbid someone open their own door, but you gotta realize how that works with me. I prefer to be chivalrous, and that involves opening doors for the ladies. (Except those who purposely close the door, and then open it themselves because they know it irritates me.) So, while we had a tiny problem finding the place, we eventually did, and then the 5 hour Prom commenced. 5 hours in the presence of a most wonderful girl, who, like me, wanted nothing else than to spend time with the other. We danced, we talked, and we enjoyed each other's company. She even won one of the Court awards. She was a Princess, both in my eyes, and in the eyes of the people at Prom. I knew it was gonna happen, but even when she had to dance with the prince she was assigned, she still didn't want to do it. Apparently, even though I poked her in the stomach like she despises oh so much, she was still entirely focused on me and she wasn't happy about having to dance with another guy. (Unfortunately, when you date a Senior who is only elligible for Prom King and you look THAT gorgeous, it's hard to not be Princess.) So she was forced to dance while I was accosted by the date of the Prom King who... gave me an interesting conversation. Then another one of my friends who carried one of the many cameras talked to me about my date, etc. It was an interesting night, to be sure. But, one that I won't soon forget, not for my entire life. I especially won't forget my date... I don't think I can, even if I tried. When we said goodbye, well, I didn't want to. I wanted it to last longer than it did. Or, maybe I'd get a "Groundhog Day" moment, and relive those 9 hours over and over. Because they were the best nine hours of my life so far, hands down. I have two people to thank for that. One of them who orchestrated the entire Prom, so I owe her a LOT. And the other is my wonderful, beautiful date, who made those nine hours oh so great. They both hold very special places in my heart, and each had their part to play.

Prom. People. Life.

Three thoughts that run through my head every day. Some more than once. Some more than others. I'll explain them for you. Those of you reading this already knowing what I'm talking about, you're getting it again. :)

Prom. Oh boy... I could write a book on this subject alone, and it isn't even until the 11th of May. 9 days... 9 days that couldn't pass fast enough. 9 days that will be horribly boring. 9 days until I get to date a most wonderful girl and meet yet another one, both in person. I'm a darn lucky guy, and I wouldn't be going without my parents, mostly my Dad, who has graciously allowed me to go to Prom. With him as my chauffeur. Lucky me. :) My date is just as excited as I am, maybe even more so. She's one of the only people I could imagine going to ANY Prom with, and I wasn't sure if she'd say yes to me when I asked her. But, to my great hope and joyfulness, she said yes. Thus gracing me with her presence with not one, two, three, or even four hours. Five hours. FIVE hours I get to spend in her company, and she's also just as stoked. She's not letting me out of her sight, she said. (Within reason, hopefully. I mean, I gotta go to the restroom sometime.) I am totally at her mercy and disposal the entire night, though I think instead of using me for something, she'd rather just keep me close by. We get along so well together. :) The other highlight of Prom is the other person I was referring to. I've known her for a while, and I look forward, somewhat anxiously, to meeting her in person. It'll be a party, believe me. I truly believe, without a doubt, that Prom is going to be the best night of my life in my short 17 years on this earth. I truly do.

Now, on to People, which is closely related to Prom. Like I mentioned, I'm going with a most wonderful girl, who had the decency to give me the opportunity, nay, the privilege, to take her to Prom. An honor which I am all too willing to accept. My only worry is that I won't be able to keep up. She's just a real joy to hang out with. Always willing to say something nice, or do something for someone, or spend some time talking even at the cost of her own time. She and I share an uncanny number of interests, and she's a bit of a tomboy, which to me, kind of compliments my "Mama's Boy" nature. The other person, also at Prom, is different, but we all three kinda know each other. I've been given the opportunity, over the year, to talk with her a lot. We are quite similar in some aspects, and I've basically described her before, so I won't describe her again. (See earlier posts.) But, I look forward immensely to meeting her, because it's most likely the only chance I'll have to do so. A meeting which is... double edged, unfortunately.

So, with that said, the last part is life. Life... I can't tell if I hate it or love it sometimes. Right now, I'm too happy to do anything but love it. I mean, I get to go to Prom in Boise! Not in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I'd be able to do that. And yet, I shall in 9 days. As to other news, my finger is jammed, and I'm working on a pile of school that never seems to end. Other than that, totally great. :)

So, I think I've rambled on enough. Until next time, Whiteout fans, and steer clear of avalanches.
ZW

Ah... What a Wonderful Life...

You know, life is pretty good. I must say, that it is very... laborious at times, but there are always those bright spots. :) Like... a certain person perhaps. There are others too, but the one person is just... awesome. She is without a doubt one of the most... amazing people I know. She's like... my other half, you could say. We are sooo similar, it's not even funny. She makes each and every day remarkable. Every time I talk with her, I very nearly radiate joy. She's like... my sunshine.:) It does my heart good to see her when she is truly happy. :) Like right now. She's extremely happy right now, as she is in one of the places that she can be truly happy in. :) And, even though I may not get to talk with her, I just feel happy that she is having such a good time.
As to the other people, my entire Publications class is another source of my happiness. I cannot help but go to that class and be entertained. Out of my entire High School career, it is the singularly most awesome class I have ever had the priviledge, nay the honor, of attending. Everything about it makes me happy. The people, the work, the conversation, all awesome. I'm glad that I get to meet twice a week with all the people that I am able to associate with. If any of you are reading this, you are awesome. :)
In other news, I started writing a "novel", if you can call it that. It's only got  two chapters with part of the third started. Those who have read it think it's awesome. I think that, for my first time writing something fictional, I haven't done too bad of a job. It's.. rough. But it is good. :) It's interesting to write. Everything starts to set something off in my head. Reading other books, watching movies, having conversations, etc. It all seems to make me think of what I could do in my own "novel". I know how writers feel now. At least, in my own small way. I have some very talented friends who have helped me in this process, and I am grateful for them. (One in particular set me on the "path". And to her I am truly thankful. :) )

So, you all have a good time. :) Steer clear of avalanches. Type to you later!
ZW

You Know... Life Can Be Awful Complicated...

You ever wish that your situation would change? JUST enough that you could be comfortable with everything you have? Yeah. That's how I feel right now. I know one of the most beautiful and intelligent and awesome girls in the world. And guess what? Life saw fit to torture me with the one thing I can't change currently: Distance. Freakin' distance smashes my hope of ever meeting the one person in the world that I wish with all my heart and soul to meet. Even if it is just once. (But I'm hoping for more than once...) Distance messes things up all the time. My friends in Texas, my friends in Florida, my friends here in Idaho that live miles away.

You might be thinking, "That's why we have Facebook, Zavier! And MySpace, and Twitter, and..." No. I don't have any of that. (gasp!) My parents have vetoed that idea until I move out of the house. So, I am confined to the old school way of contacting my friends: email. Yes, I live in the Stone Age. I don't even have a cell phone. (That is where you make a bigger gasp in surprise...)  I have that ability. And I don't mind. I don't need a cell phone yes, nor a Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter. I probably couldn't use half of that even IF I had it all.

In other news, I finally got my first date!! I get to go out with a good friend of mine, on my first date with my brother on his with his date who is also having hers. Sounds complicated, doesn't it? The point being, is that we are all going on our first date. For the Winter Ball at the local High School. It is going to be great. And there is no cell phone involved. Just email and my house phone. Pretty good, huh?

But yeah, other than that, I have nothing else really stellar going on. Just doing what I can to live my life. But I would like to say something to all of you reading this. You have all affected me in ways that I cannot express. I thank you for being my friends and/or family. You have helped me, you have steadied me, you have uplifted me in ways I cannot express. And any attempt at it would be futile at best, and completely and utterly pointless at worst. Just know that you have helped me, and that I thank you for it.

Funny Little Thing Called Love...

This isn't as much of a continuation of the last post as it is... well... something else. Love does strange things to you. Example: I look forward to school days!! No joke. I always get to thinking about going to school for even one day. I love Mondays now. But, what in the world does this have to do with love, you ask? I'll tell you. There is a girl. (Yes. Well why are you so surprised?! :P Girls do pay attention to me. Occasionally.) This girl, who shall remain unnamed, is the reason that I love Mondays, and weekdays in general. I look forward to our conversations starting every Monday. She is a genuine pleasure to be with. She is funny, she is pretty, and she is loud. (Which is the exact opposite of me, and she will attest to that.) On top of that, she is just the right amount of sassy, pushy and sarcastic. She can give as good as she gets, and I am no slouch at sarcasm myself. I could sing her praises all the time, and especially through this post, but I won't. (Not that she will get a big head. Like me, she rejects most extreme praise, like what I would have to say about her.) Anywho, the reason I brought this as an example, is because of what happens to me when I look forward to this. My heart, it starts to beat out of my chest. I get that anxiety, like you would get when on Christmas Eve, or in the anticipation of any momentous occasion. I start to feel mildly shaky. A feeling swells up in my chest. A feeling that I few times have ever felt. I start to get thoughts of only her. Nothing else seems to matter. It is the most ridiculous thing, and yet I love it every time, and cannot wait for it to happen yet again. She pays attention to this blog, so I am debating how careful I should be... :) I feel, in the words of Quasimodo, "I suddenly feel wonderfully awful and then awfully wonderful!". I tell you folks, love is the paradox of life. The only thing we cannot live without, and yet the one thing that can destroy a person completely if misused. This girl... Ah... If only I could explain EXACTLY how she makes me feel... I am a completely awkward person at times. This girl is basically my complete opposite in most actions. Where I am quiet, she is loud, and she likes it. (I like it too.) Where I am very formal, she types exactly how she talks. (Even with the occasional spelling error, I think it is cute.) And she talks like my sister. Sure, like everyone else, she has her problems. But, I am more than happy to help her out. And she doesn't mind helping me out either. She is a joy. Complete and utter joy. I have been the mediator between her and others, and I have been the person she vents on. I have been the person that has stood in between her and... trouble of many kinds. And even though even I sometime get frustrated, it isn't because of her. It is because I am not able to do anything to help her. Not even to solve her problems, not even to take a load off. Everyone reading this, if you have ever experienced that feeling... The feeling where you do EVERYTHING that you can, but nothing comes of it. They still have to put up with the problems they have. And, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Nothing but stand there and watch them struggle. I can't even physically be there to be support. (Stupid distance... When they develop quantum teleportation, I know my first destination... Even if it IS only one-way.) That is the other side of love that I know so well. The side that, if you love them, you have to let them be. I just feel... Useless. Dejected. Nothing I can do will help, and sometimes getting involved doesn't help anything, it actually hurts. This is a feeling I HATE. With a passion. I cannot stand being not able to do something to help. It grates on my very soul. Grinds my nerves and my patience to the very center. All I want to do for her is to just, wash away all the pain, the sorrow, the problems. Make her life as easy as possible. Paradise, even. As close as she can get to being truly happy, I want to do that for her. Just... make it so she never has to be sad again... Especially if I am the cause. She is always praising me. She thinks I am nearly perfect, and she asks me all the time, "Why are you so perfect to me?" Why indeed... The only real answer is that she deserves someone who can do that for her. I just want to show her that she is worth the praise I give her. She is worthy of the best guy in the world. She deserves everything she could ever want, as long as it makes her truly happy. I, unfortunately, I am not any of this. I am more of a stepping stone. I am the guy who has shown her how she should be treated. I don't DO anything, I promise. I don't read books, or take seminars, or do anything to improve my image with people. I just... sometimes I don't understand why it is so surprising to her... the bottom line to her question. She deserves more than she has gotten from the other guys. I might not be the best guy, but I do make it a priority to give women the respect they deserve. I don't do anything special, and I have told her that. I think that what she has gotten in the past from guys has not even been close to doing her justice. When she asks me why I treat her like I do, I just want to hold her close, and tell her that I love her. Pure and simple. Nothing different, or exciting. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just that action and the three simple words that follow. When we get on this subject, I cannot ever clearly express how I feel. It is "good", but it is never EXACTLY the way I want it. This attempt is even closer, but still not perfect. Like I said in my last post, love is undefinable. But, I wish in all the world, that my attempts will not go off the path of sincere and end up on the unbelievable path. I don't ever tell her enough. I don't ever say it. but I feel it. And I show it as much as I can through my limited means of communication.

Watch out for avalanches, folks, and tell your loved ones you love them!!
ZW

Why Must I Be a Teenager in Love?

You know, sometimes I want to just shout it from the rooftops. Why does love have to be so... strange? It is really... complicated. It isn't like a math equation or a Physics problem. It is more like... poetry. And poetry is HARD. So many interpretations. Sooooooo much stuff to read through and attempt to interpret. I can honestly tell you that having been in love, not even POETRY can truly express what lies in the heart of a person in love. If this is what love feels like, then sign me up. I don't know why, but I feel happy all the time. It is like I am on a high that I am not actually able to get off of. Not that I mind, of course, I haven't felt like this in a long time. The problem with that, is I am not actually able to express it. That and a love right now, is not advisable. I don't quite find myself ready for a relationship. But, that doesn't stop anyone else. That is totally ok. It just makes me even more ready for what comes ahead. Anywho, love is so undefinable. I cannot tell you. Love is a feeling because it cannot be expressed by words. Whoever came up with the word, was obviously attempting to convey it's meaning. He/she failed miserably. That and through the ages, the word love has always undergone some meaning changes. It is unfalliable. The word love is truly inadequate to express the human feeling for the one they feel for. If I were to attempt to do so, I would fail miserably. I can attempt if you would like. Love: The feeling of extreme like for another person. Love is like the candles on my cake. Love is like the wind in my sails. Love is the most potent feeling a person could ever have, because it literally overcomes all. There is nothing love cannot overcome. Nothing can outlast it. Nothing can undermine true love. It levels mountains, crosses oceans, and outdoes all storms. It is the purest form of feeling any person can find and express. Love fills in the hole that we have. First family fills it, but when you leave, and find love, you start a family of your own. It makes you complete. And it makes your partner complete too. Love doesn't make the literal world go round, but you might find that it can make yours go in whatever direction it will take you. When you find it, you know it. I believe that there is a person out there for everyone. When I find her, I will know. I WILL have my "Happily Ever After". Nothing short of death of serious injury will stop me, as long as I do the right things. Go ahead. Mock me if you want. So my idea of love is a little idealistic. I know that there is no "perfect woman". The trick is looking for the closest one to you. Relationships require sacrifice on both parts. There cannot be a truly idealistic love. But it will be the closest I can get it, when that bridge I come to cross. You know how it is. Everyone wants it. And I will get it. Rest assured.

Well, you guys have a good time, and steer clear of avalanches. I am pretty sure I have rambled enough.
ZW