Friday, April 21, 2017

It's Been A While... How About Some Ramblings?

One night while struck by the whim to express some of my more amorous feelings, I wrote this. Tell me what you think.

Kosaki Onodera:

What a well-designed character. Honestly, I feel she gets the short end of the stick, considering she loses to Chitoge in the end. A horribly predictable plot twist, really. But, that just leaves more for the rest of us otaku who would not feel the slightest bit awful about picking her up and making her feel better. (Assuming she were real.) Her relationship with the protagonist is the one I wish they would have ran with and ended with. She’s almost perfect, especially for him. As far as a romantic interest in my opinion… Her only fault is that… She lacks the passion and fire that I go head over heels for. She’s the perfect wife and spouse type character and would make an excellent mother, but that’s the extent of her. Realistically, that’s all I would need, and this is why she occupies almost the top spot on my fictional character list. Even without the passion, she more than makes up for it with her personality, and how she is. She’s full of compassion and grace, and an almost unearthly amount of patience and kindness towards everyone. There can’t be a mean bone in her body. She has a very quiet, unassuming aura about her. And she is remarkably intuitive, being easily able to read the people around her and go with the flow. And with her tendency to be easily surprised and flustered, one would always have fun with her, usually at the expense of her embarrassment, however. But underneath that adorable, fragile little exterior, I feel like on the inside, there is so much more. Her determination is quiet, but that motivates her to step further outside her comfort zone, and she seems like the type of person that, when placed in a situation where she may have to step up, her compassion and silent determination give way to a person who will never give up or give in.

She’s beautiful in that… Girl-Next-Door way. With her dark brown hair in a small asymmetrical fashion that falls to her shoulder blades; large, expressive amber-eyes set in a cute little heart-shaped face with the most wonderful of facial expressions. Her resting face looks so cute… She always has a small smile on, like she’s constantly amused by something or there’s always a funny little thought in her mind. She’s really adorable. She gets flustered so easily, and she may not be highly confident, but the “I don’t know if I can do this but I’ll give it a shot!” attitude really works with her. She always has the most earnest look on her face, like she’s low-key putting 110 percent of her effort behind everything she’s doing. Her facial expressions when flustered or embarrassed are endearing, and those rare moments when she and the main character realize they’re having a moment… Her face has the most…enchanting expression. Part sultry, part soft and part timid, speaking things like, “I love you. I want you to love me back. But I’m incapable of doing anything but reciprocating, so you’ll have to make the first move. But once you do, I can show you how I feel.” She has a very attractive body physically too. She’s petite and has a very moderate build: slender, but with the right amount of curves to match. She’s not overly large or undersized, she’s not disproportioned. She has, in my opinion, the ideal body type, even though she constantly worries about her own weight. (And even working in a confectionery, she still maintains that body type. It’s quite impressive.)

She doesn’t have that many talents to speak of, but is rather good with aesthetics. She can’t cook all that well, and she’s not highly athletic. She is of above average intelligence, and has good sense in her head, but she isn’t a genius. She’s a bit clumsy, and a bit anxious, and very quiet. She reminds me of a flower. Any flower you might think of, but ten thousand times as beautiful to look at. She has an inner beauty, and an amazing aura. One that speaks of grace and softness, delicate and unassuming. Simple. But such simplicity only belies the depth of her person. She may look meek, but on the inside, she is so much more. One can behold it in her eyes. Full of intelligence. Of life. Of a soft inner passion that you never see expressed openly. Just by her eyes and her words and actions. It lives in her care for other people. It lives in her determination. It lives in her clumsiness and her tendency to be easily disconcerted. Such an innocent young woman and so stunningly attractive. She reminds me of that type of girl who would spend all her time under a tree or sitting outside and gazing at the sights life has to offer, or sitting inside a coffee shop writing tons of things that came to her mind. The type who would sit and listen to anyone who would talk to her, and be there with any sort of advice or comfort they could need. The type of girl who would sit and just be there with you when you need company or who would care for you when ill. She would be the person who would, after listening to you and sitting with you, give you an empathetic look followed by the most wonderful hug. She is the sweetest, most compassionate girl. Motherly and kind. Oh so adorable.




Saturday, January 17, 2015

I Need...

A cuddle buddy. This is what I need.

I need someone to come over, and sit with me. I have a headache, which is only made worse by bright lights. Which frankly, sucks. But, I also require a cuddle buddy so I have someone to hold and keep me warm, cause I'm a bit cold too. I need a cuddle buddy so I can do things...

Because what I want to do is get the love of my life, and use her as my cuddle buddy. I want to hold her in my arms, and hug her tightly against me... And play with her fingers, and have her play with mine. I want to whisper in her ear, and tell her how much I love her, and how I never want to let her go. How I would like to sit with her, and never let her go. Heck, if I could, I'd never leave her side...

Because that's all I want to do. I want to stay there. With her. Forever. Holding her, and giving her all my attention and all the love I could possibly have to give her.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Guess What?!

I have a girlfriend!!! I've waited so long for this moment!!

I feel... So relieved, and happy, and... I can't wait to see her! Her parents aren't horribly happy, but they're okay with it and they accept it. Mostly.

She just... Makes me happy. So very happy. And I love her so very much. You all know who she is... :) And I cannot believe it, but she is finally mine, and I am hers... And to me... I am content. :)

Friday, October 10, 2014

English Papers

I have to say this. I am not too bad at English. I was a really good editor for my school newspaper, and the lowest grade I ever received in my AP High School English class on any paper, was a 90. My papers were rather good, and I often even edited the other people's papers in my classes. I am a more than competent person when it comes to writing and editing papers, and what I do is generally actually fairly good.

So, what to my wandering eyes should appear but the love of my life, telling me that she didn't do so well on her paper for class. She told me why, and I figured that while she could fix that on her own, in the future, I could give her assistance so she wouldn't ever have this happen again. I told her that I would ask her a favor, and I told her that if she would like, I could help her.

And, what does she do...? She tells me that she doesn't want me to look at her paper. She says it's awful, and that she doesn't want me to look at it so that I don't laugh at it. At her.

Now, this is a normal reaction from every human being. Nobody, after getting a bad grade on their paper, ever wants to have someone else look at it and be even more humiliated. But... I always thought.. That because of what we have, that maybe she would think at least a little better of me.. That I wouldn't ever laugh at her paper. At her. If she needed me, I would help, and there would be no laughing... No derision. Just me, helping the person that I cherish more than anything on the face of the earth. I felt like... Like she didn't trust me. As if I would hurt her feelings, when she is already feeling down. I don't kick people while they are down, and I definitely don't ever want to hurt her by deriding her paper. It kinda hurt to see that... Even though the two of us are so close, that... she still doesn't seem to completely trust me. And can't recognize that all I could ever do to convince her of how I feel doesn't seem to be enough...

I love her. So very much. She is the world to me. And I don't just want to help her. I don't just want her trust. I want her to understand that I love and appreciate her, and will continually help as much as I can, so that she can be happy. Because that's all I want. Is for her to be happy, and not have any reason to be unhappy.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Homecoming!

Yesterday. Was. Amazing! :)

So. Prepare for a long post, 'cause I have a lot to say... Cause I spent 12 HOURS with her...

So, yesterday, I went to Homecoming with the girl I love. And it made me SO very happy. I got to her house, and I did what I usually do when I don't have anything else to do: Clean.  I did dishes and such and got to spend some time with her before people started to arrive.

After everyone got there, we went to a place in Rigby that we could enjoy ourselves at, and we played some pool. It was boys versus girls, and despite her assurance she could win, we ended up taking them down handily. And then, we went back to her house to get ready. She took her time, but she had to get her hair done, and that took longer than even she expected. But she got back... And I thought I was going to pass out. She looked... Absolutely gorgeous. Totally and completely stunning. I don't mean to brag... But I had the most beautiful girl in the entire world as my date last night. (Oh, who am I kidding...? I will totally brag. All the time. It's my pleasure. Cause she truly was positively amazing looking. And whenever I stood next to her, it took all I had not to kiss her and about pass out.)

And then the real night began. So, we went to get pictures done, but we were much later than we had previously intended. And pictures were.. interesting. I don't think I've ever been quite like that before. I spent all my time right next to her. And my hand was always in the small of her back, constantly providing some comfort for her if possible. And if I wasn't doing that, then we were sitting together, holding hands, fingers intertwined. It was nice to do that relaxing thing.

After pictures, we went to dinner at Applebee's. Which, was good. We both share similar tastes in food, and both of us like mozzarella sticks. But, while we were waiting before and after eating, we were holding hands, and stroking the other's hand. And we would just look at each other, and say nothing, and just... smile. Lots of smiling. (Oh, and she likes to play footsie. Which I also kinda like. Another thing to add to the list of things I love.) I think it was pretty obvious to everyone that we were totally into each other. (They just didn't know HOW into each other we were.) 

Then we went to the dance. Which was both good and bad. I'll go with the bad part first. So... our friend who shall remain unnamed, he did the extreme disservice of asking me if he could dance with my date. I wasn't able to quite understand what he said, and misunderstood his question... And accidently gave him permission. (I of course, in my right mind, would never do that. I didn't want to share.) But he went and asked. And she said yes, because that's what she does. Totally innocent, totally normal. But. That was not my idea. I didn't like that. And I asked her why she agreed. So... She got mad at me. And I wasn't all that happy. Because it hurt. And she walked away... three times. The first time, it was like she'd slapped me in the face. And the two other times, especially the last one where she walked all the way to the bathroom... And told me to stop following her... It was like some one had reached into my chest and was pulling my heart right out. It ached so much... because I knew I'd hurt her really badly. But I had no idea why... Cause I hurt too. But I hurt more for the fact that I'd hurt her. I know that... Some things you do, they leave an impression upon people. And they will never ever look at you the same way. And... I couldn't have that. It hurt far too much. She later came back in, and she looked at me... And her eyes were all teary, and she apologized, and I apologized too, and we danced real close, as I whispered in her ear... Told her how sorry I was. And how much I loved her. We got out to the car, and she was still miffed at me, because I got mad at her. It was all a misunderstanding, of course, and I wasn't mad at her after she walked away. After she walked away... I just nearly died. I spent the car ride to our next destination, just holding her and making sure she knew... all that I had to say.

Now for the good part. Dancing. I love dancing with her... She has a very attractive dancing style. And we danced in a more relaxed position than I am used to. Her arms around the back of my neck... My hands on her waist, barely a foot between us. And all we did was look into each others eyes. Though, I couldn't help but sing to her... And tell her all about how much I love her. And when we weren't slow dancing, we were swing dancing, or doing something so totally different. Not like any other dancing I had ever done before. But... I liked it. Because it was with her. We had our fingers intertwined, and all the while I just looked at her. And I smiled. All the time... Sometimes, she would grab my hand and pull me across the dance floor. And then she'd stop, and turn around... and she'd look at me with this radiant look on her face, as if she knew... That she was amazing. (And she better. Because she is.)

For the last part of our evening, we went and we had some waffles with strawberries and ice cream at a friend's house. And we shared a waffle. Then she took me home.

I can't tell you how many times we held hands yesterday. Far too many to count. And sometimes... She would take my arm, put it around her waist, and have it touch her leg. Or, close to the end, she leaned right up against me, and she put both my hands on her stomach, and just leaned against me. Like that's all she ever wanted. (She said it was because she was cold. But I have a feeling that is the ulterior motive.) I happened to like that the most. Just the car rides... Where it was me and her, and she grabbed my hand, and wound it in hers, and/or put it around her. And leaned against me... I felt truly content. I would whisper to her, or kiss her hair and her cheek. I truly had a good time... And I wish that I could have some more time with her... Really soon. Cause... No matter what happens... I love her. With all of my heart. Everything I am.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Time

Is conspiring against me.

I have a little less than 36 hours until I get to see you again... And they are the most torturous hours so far of my life. Nothing works to occupy me. Not the TV. Not school. Not my novels. Not my roommates. Not my video game. Nothing. It's absolutely ridiculous. These thirty-six hours cannot pass quickly enough. I'm pretty much giddy, and suffering from a lot of anticipation. I feel like I could explode. Tomorrow will be really hard. And Saturday before I see you... I desperately want to be with you. Right now. And it's driving me crazy. A good crazy. But still.

I'll be getting things ready. Making sure I have all my effects. I'll put them together Saturday though. But I have a corsage to get, (which may not be the right color. I may have to get a hot pink rose one instead of a red rose one, and I hope this is acceptable.) I also have to put a water bottle in the fridge in advance for Saturday. And then, I shall gather the food, the clothes, and the other necessities Saturday morning. That way all is prepared, neatly.

And all the while I will be nearly dying from anticipation. Saturday will be wonderful, so long as everything goes well. I just hope you feel the same way too.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Desire...

I want to see you. Don't want to wait. Don't want to play games. Just want to see you. Hold you. Hug you. Tell you I love you over and over. And never let you forget it. I want to give you my full attention. Hang on your every word, and relish the chance to be in your presence. To laugh with you, and make you laugh, and see that beautiful smile. Look into those ridiculously beautiful blue eyes... And nearly drown in the emotion I see in them. I want to use all of my senses and take in the stunning woman that you are. Everything about you. I wish I could tell you about how you occupy all of my thoughts... And my dreams.

I want to hear you tell me you love me. Over and over and over. And that you never want to let me go... I want you to tell me that you miss me as much as I do you. I want to know if you dream about me.. Or think about me all the time, like I do you. I want you to convince me... That my feelings aren't so one sided in their intensity. I want you to look into my green eyes, and be able to see all the love I have for you. I want you to hold me and never let me go. Look at the never ending smile I have on my face, and know that you're the reason I have it.

 I want so much just to have you here. Right now...